Before you take a swing, I wonder...what're we really fightin' for?

What is love, really? What is it like to truly fall in love? Finding that one special person, to spend the rest of your life, all the way until your dying day, with jus’ one person?

I have been in love. Or have I? When I look back at it, I may have used the word wrongly, for the sake of convenience. I shamefully admit that was wrong in part. When someone, usually a friend, asked me how I felt about this girl, I’d shoot back at him or her…”I love her, man.” Looking back at it now, I don’t think I ever really did. Perhaps I may have jus’ used that for the sake of convenience, and not entirely meaning it. Does that make sense? Here’s another one…I don’t think I used the word “love” for the right purpose. I’ve only said it once to someone else, aside from relatives and close friends (when they needed it the most), and now that I think about it… I don’t think I said it ‘coz I felt it. I said it because I wanted to ‘assess my situation.’ I wanted to know if she was going to say it back. Well, end of story…she didn’t. In a way I’m glad she didn’t. This one girl played me bad, and if she said that she loved me back…Oh man, I would be so screwed by now. So in a way, I would like to thank you for not saying you loved me. You know who you are.

I’ve always mentioned that there is nothing I desire more than to say to someone ‘I love you’, and to have it said back. Well now I don’t think that’s a good enough. If I think about it, it is a bit of a selfish wish. Heh, then again, it is good to be selfish every once in a while, in order to save your own ass. Well, now I’m veering off the topic. So anyway, what I would like to do…that I would simply want to say to someone ‘I love you’, without any inhibitions, any doubts, or any other thoughts. Jus’ her, by the mountainside, holding on to each other, with nothing to bother us…and jus say it, flat out…I love you. And let’s face it…it wouldn’t exactly be half bad if she said it back.

Yes, what I’ve written so far is that I’m starting to feel the pangs of loneliness. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still pretty content with my life. I’ve got a loving family, food on the table every night, a nice bed to sleep in (that doesn’t sound too bad right now), and the greatest of friends. I’m jus’ stating that it wouldn’t exactly be bad to add a ill’s something’ more all that.

In case the message hasn’t been conveyed, yes, I’d like someone to call my own. I wanna know what it’s like to dream of someone, and when I wake up, thoughts of that person will be the first thing I’ma think of. Yes, I realize it sounds sappy, but I can’t help it. It’s what I feel. I don’t know, it jus’ kinda hit me hard recently. Today, to be exact. I been seein’ my friends, and yes, it can be somewhat amusing when they get exasperated, telling me…’you sure you want a part of this, man?” I don’t even hesitate to answer with a smile and a yes. I’m pretty sure I’d know what I’d be getting myself into. It’s like when you accept a person as a friend…there are times when you admire them for their flaws. Then again, there are also times when those flaws irk you. Hehe. Seriously, when I care for a person, and not jus’ in a friendly manner (you know what I mean), I accept them for their flaws. I fall for them because they’re human, not because they’re some fallen goddess or anythin’ like that. Who was it that said…”It is the flaws of the diamond that make it perfect.” Was it Shakespeare? God, I hope not.

When I see friends, or even strangers, coupling together…yeah, I feel happy for them, finding happiness from each other. That itself makes me happy. Yet the same time, at the back of my head, I think to myself…

That would be nice.

like a clown that's been put on a show...

Man. It has been a while. Too long... But I ain't never forgotten that I had a blog. Jus, well, haven't had the time. People say you pretty much enjoy the first two years of university, but once the third year comes, hell breaks loose in your head. All the work jus comes faster than a virgin. Once you think you're done with one and you can breathe easy...BANG! Here comes another one.

That is why we needed a break. Not jus' a night for drinks at the local convenience store and/or bar. I mean, yeah, you're havin' a good time with friends, but it's jus' not the same. havin' to hear the traffic, other drunks being more rowdy that you are. Yeah.

So we decided to go to the beach...way north of this scab-shaped island we call Cebu. Six misfits stuck in a car (and what a car it was!), makin' our way north. It was great. No. Great is an understatement. As the streakiest player of all time, Sean Elliot, says...Is there a stronger word than love? Naw, fo' real, though...all of us felt that we could've stayed another night. I don't know, it was jus' such an escape from reality, and it felt so good havin' to leave some responsibilities behind, even temporarily.

We had drinks (doy), and basically jus' enjoyed each other's company. Food was boundless, practically, and being treated to dinner by the owner was an...interesting surprise on its own. Ha! Yes, the trip was definitely full of surprises...both eye-widening and jaw-dropping. Hahaha! Oh man...we all look forward as to when the next 'getaway' trip is, although we know for certain that we also have our responsibilities to...uhm...do.

Ouch. I'm sunburt. Note to self: never underestimate the fact that even if you're dark...you CAN still get sunburn.

I was trippin' with my digicam during that trip. Well, it's not really my digicam, it's more on a lease. Anyway, I was takin' a shots of the landscape, the sunset(of course). I would like to take a nice shot of a morning sun, although I highly doubt I can wake up for that. I jus' thought that it'd be nice way to keep memories, to print an 8 by 10 shot, hang it up in your room, and tell yourself...I was there, and it was great. I look forward to printing my shots. Modesty aside, I think they were okay.

Well, I've got a class. Wow, it woulda been great to wake up, feeling the sea breeze in your face, hearing the sound of the waves, and jus' be with good company.

Heh, there was only one thing lacking in the whole trip. Well, not really. I made do without it. Jus' that it woulda been even better than great if it was there.

Holla.

We grew up way too fast, now there's nothin' to believe...

Ah yes. Here we are again! It's been a while since I did this...eight days ago to be exact. Two things have been occupying my time as of late.

First, reading Grisham is not as boring as I thought. It can actually be at par with the DragonLance saga. I found The Testament lying in the house, so I decided to pick it up and give it a go. It ain't bad. In fact, it's good. This's prob'ly the only Grisham book I'll read. There's too much stuff about Law involved, and I'm really not interested in it. Maybe I can pretend to be when I'm talkin' to a lawyer.

Second, this new online game. Man! Kickass! I've only played two other online games, excluding the one I'm playin' now. The first one was Ragnarok, 'coz I jus' wanted to see what all the hype was all about. It ain't all that. It's jus' a money-milker. I mean, I stayed two hours to play, and I only leveled up once...and this is at starting level! What a dumb game. They jus' make you play it longer, buy more "Ragna" cards, and spend more time jus' tryin' to make your character level up. What a bunch of pricks. Second was FairyLand. And hey...despite the somewhat....disturbing name, it's actually a pretty good game. I'm not sure if it's still free to play, but it's a versatile game, with lots of things to do. Ragnarok was jus' fight, fight, fight, fight, stupid quest, fight, fight, fight, another dumb quest, and fight some more. I highly recommend FairyLand to anyone who's interested.

Gunz! Oh yeah, I love that game! Gets me pumped up! It's practically a game where people meet up in a room, and try to blast each other's head off. It's kinda like a Max Payne meets Devil May Cry meets Counter-Strike. Not bad, not bad at all.

Heh, this blog has turned more into a game review than a journal.

BFD.

I jus' had a tooth extracted the other day. Ouch. The dentists kinda miscalculated a bit (I won't say screwed up 'coz they're good people), since my teeth are actually bloom-rooted. Well, I don't know what the real term is, but this means that the roots of my teeth spread out instead of forming a straight column. Ergo, my teeth can't be pulled out with a pair of dentist-pliers, or a cow-grip as they called it. Interesting. They had to divide it into three parts and pull each out one by one. I was kinda in a not-so-good mood that morning, having to wake up, and having two dentists take turns at trying to yank at my teeth with a pair of silver pliers. They're good people, though, and thanks for a successful extraction.

Now that I have both molars gone, it's gon' be quite a challenge to chew. I gez it'll jus' take time gettin' used to it. Now I can stick I barbecue stick inside my mouth, sideways, and gross people out! I'll try this as soon as this nasty wound closes up.

Hmmm...what else is new? Well, the weather won't make up its mind. It's like Mother Nature's taunting us. Father Time, go tell your bitch to give us some good weather! Haha!

Weehoo! No classes next week! That's cool. I don't know what the hell I'ma be doin' though. Prob'ly play Gunz.

Holla.

scars are souvenirs you never lose...

I jus' read my last post, the one before this, and I was pissed! Haha! You know you have embarrasing moments or moments that you kinda blow your top, and when you talk about it with your friends, you jus' end up laughin' with it.

Today should be an interesting day. I have a test comin' up in approximately an hour. I'm screwed.

I jus' went to the dentist. Turns out I have to get this baby out, by this weekend. How the hell am I s'posed to eat? Soup and oatmeal until my teeth 'align' themselves?! No way! The man needs his protein! I mean, I constantly release protein everyday, so I need a way to replenish it! After all, I sweat everyday.....! To quote from one cartoon I saw..."Man cannot live on artificial carbohydrates alone!"

I'm in an internet cafe packed with people. Although I'm not claustrophobic, I still feel a bit tense with close proximity levels at times. This is one of those times. Not to mention those constantly lookin' over your shoulder to see what you're typing and/or browsing. To anyone who's currently lookin' over shoulder readin' this....SCREW YOU. Yeah? Now go get a life.

Everyone knows that question...is the glass half empty or half full? I never was able to answer that question. I mean, I jus' can't decide. So here's somethin' I thought of while I was there today...hospital...a good place or a bad place? To be practical about it, it could be a good place, 'coz it's where sick people go to get better. Then again, it could be a bad place, 'coz it's where the sick people go, and people die in hospitals. Then again, people are born in hospitals. Screw it, that didn't help. So is the glass half-full or half-empty?

I like puttin' lines that I heard in a song that caught my attention. For instance, this latest one I heard from Goo Goo Dolls' "Name." Interesting song. I have no idea what it's about, though. And aww...it takes two people to play the song on the guitar. That'd have to go down as one of my top ten songs of all time. Do I even have one? Well, if asked right now, it'd be...

1.) Name - Goo Goo Dolls
2.) Let It Be - The Beatles
3.) Dream On - Aerosmith
4.) Soul To Squeeze - Red Hot Chili Peppers
5.) Lightning Crashes - Live
6.) All I Want Is You - U2

Well, actually, those are all I can think of. I think I'm startin' to space out again. Poinnnnggg!! Not a good time to space out, I've got a finance test in half an hour.

I'm out!

so quiet but i finally woke up...

Ah. Post numba two. No, wait, four. Ah, technically it was the second in the last two weeks.

Mondays. Tell me why...I don't like Mondays...tell my why....

My next class is in fifteen minutes, and I plan to have a smoke before I do, so this'll be quick.

I went to mass yesterday. That was interesting. The priest was talking about racial, sexual, and other types of discrimination. Are there still idiots in the world who discriminate, thinking they're actually the superior race? Wake up, you meatheads, WW2 was over half a century ago.

Sorry, I'm jus' in a bad mood. Partly 'coz of the weather. Overcast. Hurts the eyes. A great day for die-hard photographers, though. I heard overcast's the best natural lighting for pictures. Correct me if I'm wrong.

I read a case study today, one about sweatshops in Asia. Absolutely sickening. One thing that was mentioned was that fire that broke out in a sweatshop in Thailand, sometime during the mid-90's. Over 200 overworked, underpaid people were killed in that fire. Most of them were women and teenage girls? The worst part? They died because the emergency exits were locked? Why the fuck would you lock them in the first place? In case they'd play hookie and go AWOL on their work? They already need the money! Sickening. Makes me ashamed of actually being a human being. I wouldn't be surprised if one of the company's 'assosciates' started that fire, 'coz they no longer had any 'use' for their workers.

That's what I don't get. Labor is already cheap as it is here in Asia, can't you at least pay them a decent wage? But nooo...some meatheads out there are out to maximize profit. I hope they choke on a quarter. Nike. We all know Nike. Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods...a bunch of athletes. I got no beef on them. Nike pays Jordan $20 million for a single endorsement. That's already more than twice of how much they paid their labor force in Indonesia for an entire year. Just sickening. I am glad that there have been codes of conduct controlling the abuses of sweatshops.

Whew. That felt good to let that out. Oops, got a class.

Peace. Die, greedy, profit-hungry businessmen!!

burnt to the core, but not broken...

Well! Here I am again. Wow, it's been a while since I actually did this. The last one was....errmm....July 21? That was pretty far back.

Not too much has been goin' down in the past 20 days or so. I got a new laptop! Oh, it's not really new, jus' another second-hand one from my aunt. But hell, I ain't complainin! A lot better than that piece of junk that's as good a large paperweight in my room! I've been spendin' the past couple of days defragmenting it, taking out some programs, checking it for bugs and errors... I love my aunt, but if there's one thing, she's terrible at taking care of her computers. In that laptop I jus' got, there were three different programs that did exactly the same thing! Twisted.

Oh yeah, some song's been in my head lately...'Run To The Water' by LIVE. Let's jus' say it kinda applies to how I'm feelin' right now. As I've told some of my friends, I decided to give myself a li'l...break. I don't know, one thing I firmly believe in, and a piece of advice I always give to those who need it...that a little alone time does the soul good. Yeah. Well, I think I'll resume 'the hunt' in a month or two...or three. Depends. I'm jus waitin' for a star to fall...carry your heart into my arms...that's where you belong in my arms....baby, yeah....ta da da da

It's midterm week. Today's the last day. That means tonight we drink! Man, Absolut really is the best vodka in the world. Anyway, I'm under probation, so I had to withdraw a subject. Ah, the beauty of forgery. I'm still allowed to flunk at least one subject. Hey, doesn't mean I will, though.

I've got this 'textmate' from the northern part of the country. I've got nothin' better to do, so yeah, we text every once in a while. It's been a week, and she already be trippin'! She sayin' stuff like...I miss you, I'm thinking about you. I jus' hope she don't end up sayin' the three-magic-words soon. I mean, we never met, we've only known each other for a week, and she straight-trippin. I think that girl got issues.

I've also been talkin' to this friend of mine, says she's been learnin' stuff from me. Well, glad I could help out. It's also interestin to delve into your past every once in a while. It's also interestin...I never actually thought she'd be a person of high intellect. I meant that in a good way!

It's time to take a test again. Whew. I'm out!

what's the world I know?

Ah. Here we are again. Space-out central. Maybe I'll change my title to that, instead. As opposed to yesterday, I was REALLY spaced out. I was sweating while I was sitting down...in an air-conditioned room! God help us all. I feel better now...it actually looks like rain is coming along. Finally!

Now then. Cool! Oh, sorry, a thought just jumped to my head. I was s'posed to have two tests today...one is quantitative business anaylsis(ouch), and the other in personnel management(ouch again). They both got postponed to Monday. Now that I think about it...why the hell am I rejoicing?! It's like postponing my own execution! Ah, but by monday, I'll be ready to face my execution! If that's even possible. I was never too good at analogies.

Oh. I jus' looked outside the window. It's raining. Now how am I s'posed to get a class?

Today an alright day. I look forward to tonight. Nothin' special, I'm jus teachin' some of my friends how to play that game that's gaining more popularity than the Michael Jackson case. See? I told you I was bad at analogies. Anyway, that game...Defense of the Ancients...or DotA for short. I have some friends who I've taught to play that...and now they're better than me! So it's either I'm a good teacher or I jus' suck at that game. Hehehe. What makes this DotA game fun is the sense of comradery this game bring about. I mean, I wouldn't have as much fun if I played it with a bunch of strangers. I tried.

Let's see...what else is goin' on in this head of mine. Oh yeah...what Jin commnted on my last post, about Dalamar the Dark. I think that is the case. See that's one thing about me...I have a hard time finding inspiration. Once I do, though....I...uhm...am inspired! No seriously. I want somethin' to think about when I get home, in my room, thinking about nothin' in particular. Yeah, I gez I should concentrate more on my studies. I gez the thing I admire about Dalamar is how driven he is. Perhaps that's one of the things I'd like to be, or do. Am I makin' sense?

I been lookin' for the polyphonic tone of Top Gun. Now that would be cool to have on your phone. Van Halen! *Erw....tewng, tewng, tewng, teene teene tewng tewng, teene ne teene ne, teene teene tewng tewng...!* Sorry, I didn't know what else to write.

Ooh, I'm hopin' to hit it lucky with this girl. Hopefully, after all the crap that's been flyin' left and right, I'll be with her. Let's leave it at that.

I saw The Island. Not a bad movie. Pretty good. Scarlett Johansson's pretty fine! Another movie about the controversy of cloning. It should be jus' a matter of time until cloning actually becomes a reality.

Argh! I'm so spaced out! I wouldn't be as much if I was at home with my laptop. But that things as good as a wingless chicken.

There we go again with the terrible analogies.

Anyway, to conclude jus' this one part of a song, I heard last night, it's been stuck to my head.

"...I walk up on high, and I step to the edge to the see the world below. And I laugh at myself, while the tears roll down. 'Coz it's the world I know. What's the world I know?"

Heavy.

Alright. Let's do this. A blog. Heh, I never actually thought I'd be doin' this. I was somewhat skeptical about startin' a blog. A good friend of mine has one (and I'm guessin' it'll be a matter of time 'til he reads this!), and jus' asked him how to start one and stuff. Well, here I am.

I jus' wanted to do somethin' with my spare time, since I jus' finished the last of the Dragonlance Saga books...and now I've got nothin' to do! I mean, they actually did continue the saga, but different author, and they've already killed off all the old characters. Morbid.

Now I wanna talk about one of the character that always had my attention from the first time I read about him....Dalamar the Dark. From Dragonlance. Doy. The whole time, he was always under the weather, and only has one passion...the magic. He got exiled from his hometown (Silvanesti) for his passion for magic. He killed his master's nephew for the magic. Now I know I may be rambling, but I've talked to this about some of my friends, those who've read Dragonlance. What is it with my fascination for Dalamar? Is it his almost-insane passion for this one thing?

Well, I think this is a good start to a blog. More to come soon. I guess. Now if I can figure out how to put in pictures...