Before you take a swing, I wonder...what're we really fightin' for?

What is love, really? What is it like to truly fall in love? Finding that one special person, to spend the rest of your life, all the way until your dying day, with jus’ one person?

I have been in love. Or have I? When I look back at it, I may have used the word wrongly, for the sake of convenience. I shamefully admit that was wrong in part. When someone, usually a friend, asked me how I felt about this girl, I’d shoot back at him or her…”I love her, man.” Looking back at it now, I don’t think I ever really did. Perhaps I may have jus’ used that for the sake of convenience, and not entirely meaning it. Does that make sense? Here’s another one…I don’t think I used the word “love” for the right purpose. I’ve only said it once to someone else, aside from relatives and close friends (when they needed it the most), and now that I think about it… I don’t think I said it ‘coz I felt it. I said it because I wanted to ‘assess my situation.’ I wanted to know if she was going to say it back. Well, end of story…she didn’t. In a way I’m glad she didn’t. This one girl played me bad, and if she said that she loved me back…Oh man, I would be so screwed by now. So in a way, I would like to thank you for not saying you loved me. You know who you are.

I’ve always mentioned that there is nothing I desire more than to say to someone ‘I love you’, and to have it said back. Well now I don’t think that’s a good enough. If I think about it, it is a bit of a selfish wish. Heh, then again, it is good to be selfish every once in a while, in order to save your own ass. Well, now I’m veering off the topic. So anyway, what I would like to do…that I would simply want to say to someone ‘I love you’, without any inhibitions, any doubts, or any other thoughts. Jus’ her, by the mountainside, holding on to each other, with nothing to bother us…and jus say it, flat out…I love you. And let’s face it…it wouldn’t exactly be half bad if she said it back.

Yes, what I’ve written so far is that I’m starting to feel the pangs of loneliness. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still pretty content with my life. I’ve got a loving family, food on the table every night, a nice bed to sleep in (that doesn’t sound too bad right now), and the greatest of friends. I’m jus’ stating that it wouldn’t exactly be bad to add a ill’s something’ more all that.

In case the message hasn’t been conveyed, yes, I’d like someone to call my own. I wanna know what it’s like to dream of someone, and when I wake up, thoughts of that person will be the first thing I’ma think of. Yes, I realize it sounds sappy, but I can’t help it. It’s what I feel. I don’t know, it jus’ kinda hit me hard recently. Today, to be exact. I been seein’ my friends, and yes, it can be somewhat amusing when they get exasperated, telling me…’you sure you want a part of this, man?” I don’t even hesitate to answer with a smile and a yes. I’m pretty sure I’d know what I’d be getting myself into. It’s like when you accept a person as a friend…there are times when you admire them for their flaws. Then again, there are also times when those flaws irk you. Hehe. Seriously, when I care for a person, and not jus’ in a friendly manner (you know what I mean), I accept them for their flaws. I fall for them because they’re human, not because they’re some fallen goddess or anythin’ like that. Who was it that said…”It is the flaws of the diamond that make it perfect.” Was it Shakespeare? God, I hope not.

When I see friends, or even strangers, coupling together…yeah, I feel happy for them, finding happiness from each other. That itself makes me happy. Yet the same time, at the back of my head, I think to myself…

That would be nice.