Before you take a swing, I wonder...what're we really fightin' for?

What is love, really? What is it like to truly fall in love? Finding that one special person, to spend the rest of your life, all the way until your dying day, with jus’ one person?

I have been in love. Or have I? When I look back at it, I may have used the word wrongly, for the sake of convenience. I shamefully admit that was wrong in part. When someone, usually a friend, asked me how I felt about this girl, I’d shoot back at him or her…”I love her, man.” Looking back at it now, I don’t think I ever really did. Perhaps I may have jus’ used that for the sake of convenience, and not entirely meaning it. Does that make sense? Here’s another one…I don’t think I used the word “love” for the right purpose. I’ve only said it once to someone else, aside from relatives and close friends (when they needed it the most), and now that I think about it… I don’t think I said it ‘coz I felt it. I said it because I wanted to ‘assess my situation.’ I wanted to know if she was going to say it back. Well, end of story…she didn’t. In a way I’m glad she didn’t. This one girl played me bad, and if she said that she loved me back…Oh man, I would be so screwed by now. So in a way, I would like to thank you for not saying you loved me. You know who you are.

I’ve always mentioned that there is nothing I desire more than to say to someone ‘I love you’, and to have it said back. Well now I don’t think that’s a good enough. If I think about it, it is a bit of a selfish wish. Heh, then again, it is good to be selfish every once in a while, in order to save your own ass. Well, now I’m veering off the topic. So anyway, what I would like to do…that I would simply want to say to someone ‘I love you’, without any inhibitions, any doubts, or any other thoughts. Jus’ her, by the mountainside, holding on to each other, with nothing to bother us…and jus say it, flat out…I love you. And let’s face it…it wouldn’t exactly be half bad if she said it back.

Yes, what I’ve written so far is that I’m starting to feel the pangs of loneliness. Don’t get me wrong; I’m still pretty content with my life. I’ve got a loving family, food on the table every night, a nice bed to sleep in (that doesn’t sound too bad right now), and the greatest of friends. I’m jus’ stating that it wouldn’t exactly be bad to add a ill’s something’ more all that.

In case the message hasn’t been conveyed, yes, I’d like someone to call my own. I wanna know what it’s like to dream of someone, and when I wake up, thoughts of that person will be the first thing I’ma think of. Yes, I realize it sounds sappy, but I can’t help it. It’s what I feel. I don’t know, it jus’ kinda hit me hard recently. Today, to be exact. I been seein’ my friends, and yes, it can be somewhat amusing when they get exasperated, telling me…’you sure you want a part of this, man?” I don’t even hesitate to answer with a smile and a yes. I’m pretty sure I’d know what I’d be getting myself into. It’s like when you accept a person as a friend…there are times when you admire them for their flaws. Then again, there are also times when those flaws irk you. Hehe. Seriously, when I care for a person, and not jus’ in a friendly manner (you know what I mean), I accept them for their flaws. I fall for them because they’re human, not because they’re some fallen goddess or anythin’ like that. Who was it that said…”It is the flaws of the diamond that make it perfect.” Was it Shakespeare? God, I hope not.

When I see friends, or even strangers, coupling together…yeah, I feel happy for them, finding happiness from each other. That itself makes me happy. Yet the same time, at the back of my head, I think to myself…

That would be nice.

like a clown that's been put on a show...

Man. It has been a while. Too long... But I ain't never forgotten that I had a blog. Jus, well, haven't had the time. People say you pretty much enjoy the first two years of university, but once the third year comes, hell breaks loose in your head. All the work jus comes faster than a virgin. Once you think you're done with one and you can breathe easy...BANG! Here comes another one.

That is why we needed a break. Not jus' a night for drinks at the local convenience store and/or bar. I mean, yeah, you're havin' a good time with friends, but it's jus' not the same. havin' to hear the traffic, other drunks being more rowdy that you are. Yeah.

So we decided to go to the beach...way north of this scab-shaped island we call Cebu. Six misfits stuck in a car (and what a car it was!), makin' our way north. It was great. No. Great is an understatement. As the streakiest player of all time, Sean Elliot, says...Is there a stronger word than love? Naw, fo' real, though...all of us felt that we could've stayed another night. I don't know, it was jus' such an escape from reality, and it felt so good havin' to leave some responsibilities behind, even temporarily.

We had drinks (doy), and basically jus' enjoyed each other's company. Food was boundless, practically, and being treated to dinner by the owner was an...interesting surprise on its own. Ha! Yes, the trip was definitely full of surprises...both eye-widening and jaw-dropping. Hahaha! Oh man...we all look forward as to when the next 'getaway' trip is, although we know for certain that we also have our responsibilities to...uhm...do.

Ouch. I'm sunburt. Note to self: never underestimate the fact that even if you're dark...you CAN still get sunburn.

I was trippin' with my digicam during that trip. Well, it's not really my digicam, it's more on a lease. Anyway, I was takin' a shots of the landscape, the sunset(of course). I would like to take a nice shot of a morning sun, although I highly doubt I can wake up for that. I jus' thought that it'd be nice way to keep memories, to print an 8 by 10 shot, hang it up in your room, and tell yourself...I was there, and it was great. I look forward to printing my shots. Modesty aside, I think they were okay.

Well, I've got a class. Wow, it woulda been great to wake up, feeling the sea breeze in your face, hearing the sound of the waves, and jus' be with good company.

Heh, there was only one thing lacking in the whole trip. Well, not really. I made do without it. Jus' that it woulda been even better than great if it was there.

Holla.